Beyond Our Trials

Kevin and I had just celebrated our fourth anniversary by having a nice meal out together, and plans were under way for moving all of our stuff out of the garage in Idaho and into our apartment here. We were all feeling positive and confident about most everything, having an affordable place to live, and maybe just maybe being able to keep our heads above water. I had even found an opening working with children with Autism in a preschool setting - something I have been eager to do for years, things were really starting to look up and then . . . the intense abdominal pain struck, two days post anniversary I was in tears and nothing was soothing it.

Generally speaking, I tried to make sense out of what could be causing it, perhaps I had pulled a muscle or maybe my pre-menstrual cramps were just really strong. I did my very best to try to push through it without anything but over the counter meds and applying heat. I was able to somewhat successfully make it through Thursday evening, and even get a little bit of sleep that evening, but by Friday the pains and nausea were back, sometimes able to be controlled yet other times, so intense, that they left me trying to catch my breath.

At this point, I decided that I couldn't take it any longer and I needed a second opinion other than Kevin as to what I should do, so I called my mom. She had to have known it was something important as I told her I needed my mommy. Yes, even 31 yr. olds need their mommies on occasion. I explained my symptoms and what I thought it could be and she suggested we had better visit a doctor. Knowing we were still uninsured I consented but didn't want to think of the medical bill from the visit. We had already opted to cancel Moving Day due to having a little less in our account than we needed to pay for the gas money to make the trip. Kevin had taken the day off however and was disappointed that the move wasn't happening and had planned to get a few things done around the apartment so we'd be more ready to put our stuff away when it arrived, I however was still in some pretty intense pain, but my mom was on her way and I hoped everything would get better after that.

Mom arrived and we opted to visit the ER at American Fork Hospital instead of Instacare due to not having a lot of money upfront. I had to wait about 15 -20 min. after seeing the triage nurse who took my vitals and my information, but then I was right in to see the ER nurse. I got into my hospital gown, got settled into bed, and sobbed in pain, the nurse got my IV in and started me on fluids and then I finally got some floaty pain meds through my IV which helped instantly with my nausea and the pain started to lessen as well. The doctor came in and pushed on the site where there was pain, right side and listened to the area with his stethoscope, and just as he was leaving I heard him mention that he wanted to be sure it wasn't complications from a pregnancy. My heart sank. Me, pregnant after 3 and 1/2 years of trying. I was so worried at that point that it could be an ectopic pregnancy and I continued to cry a bit more, as I shared this concern with my husband.

Time rolled on, and tests were ordered, a urine test, an ultrasound, and finally a CT scan which came over 2 hours after the doctor had said it had been ordered. Both Kevin ( who met us at the hospital while we were still in the ER waiting room) and my mom kept me entertained and not worrying about things, but I definitely was worried most especially about the bill. A financial assistance representative had come in and shared with us about a program there was that would help with medical bills for the uninsured but with each test I could almost hear the cash register ring and a money amount flash before my eyes. So, anyway 6 hours after coming to the ER, I was finally officially diagnosed. I have a 16 cm cyst on my ovary, at the the time they told me it was the right ovary, but since then my Gynecologist has said it may be either ovary. So basically, I have something inside of my body that is just about the size of a mini basketball, and not only that but they informed it would need to be surgically removed.

I was worried they were going to wheel me off right then and slice me open, but luckily they had me sign the release forms instead . My ER doctor called a specialist and told me to call his office and get an appointment set up for Monday, he also prescribed me some pretty intense pain meds. He said that I could go longer with this cyst inside of me, but that I would be in some definite pain. They gave me copies of all of my test results and the specialists office to contact and I was out of there. Knowing however, that it was yet to be completely behind me.

Fast forwarding just a bit Saturday came and so did moving day. Kevin, my brother, and my nephew made an all in one day trip to Idaho and back so that we could have our stuff. My brother was kind of enough to pay the tab for all of the moving expenses, and we are so grateful for his willingness to help. It was absolutely heavenly to sleep in our own bed Sunday night. They also had help moving things in from Kevin's sister Cathy and her husband, David and my brother in law Andy, not to mention our upstairs neighbor / landlord. We couldn't have accomplished any of that without our family, and we are so very very grateful for their willingness to help us out in a pinch. While the moving day was happening I was under the care of my sister in law Kim, who advocated with the Dr. at the ER via telephone to get me off of the percocet ( which made me feel like I was in a cemement mixer all night long even with a full stomach) and get me something that wouldn't make me so dizzy and would actually help with the pain. I got a little bit of rest and watched a lot of movies, and before you know it I was feeling somewhat better and ready to head back to our place and call it a night.

Sunday we caught up on sleep, trying to get ready for the week ahead, and by Monday the doctor's office had called looking to set up an appointment. Tuesday I had my appointment, not knowing what I'd find out and was pleased with my doctor and his demeanor. He was kind and matter of a fact, and got me all set up for an open laparascopic procedure on Moday, the 23rd to remove my cysts ( there are 2 - one huge guy and one smaller one) clean out my tubes, and remove anything else that has been preventing us from having a family thus far. He won't do an open procedure unless it looks worse in there than he thinks, and if that's the case I will only have a 2 week recovery as opposed to a 6 week one. He also said that once I have my insurance he'll do what he can to help us get our family started and still thinks that due to my age he can help us make that happen, without having to do Invito Fertilization.

Well then, I thought, it's settled let's get this nasty ugly thing out of there and replace it with something much cuter. Despite all the drama and the financial issues we are facing, after that appointment I felt like for the first time in long while that there may be hope. Everyone that has been praying for me, has been so supportive. My Aunt Jeanne was so positive about all of this, that she compared it to connecting the dots move to Utah, discover the cyst having the support of family, get rid of this giant cyst, and then we'll be able to start our family. The last thing she said to me as I got off the phone with her, after the doctor's appointment was that all I need to be thinking about now was just how I want to decorate the nursery. What a thrilling thought! Having a bright red, wrinkly, tiny toed miracle to call our own. If I knew this could be just around the bend for us, it would be worth any financial burdens, any surgical procedure, any minor anything in the road.

So it's with those thoughts that I face my surgical procedure on Monday, I can't allow the worry about whether or not he will be able to save my ovary, or have to do an open procedure in the long run occupy my mind, I can't even let the thought of thousands of dollars in medical bills adding up in less than a week enter my head, I have to keep my eyes on the final goal, and trust the Lord to take us where we need to go. That's what faith and hope are, they are meeting the challenges and knowing that there is something better on the other side and trusting that a loving Father in Heaven, knows the deepest desires of our hearts and that we aren't going through these trials and struggles in vain. He can see the whole picture, and my hope is that on the otherside of this giant cyst, there just might be a bright red, wrinkly, tiny toed miracle that we can call our own.