Behind

Remember how I said I had lots of pictures to post and lots of posts to share and it would happen soon?  Well, the fact of the matter is, I am behind and not just in blogging, but also laundry, dishes, general cleaning and organization, all matters of most anything and most any place.  We have been making memories and taking pictures, I just haven't been able to carve out enough time in my schedule to get it all down.  I am a "play at home mommy" I like that better than just a stay at home mom, or house wife or home maker and some days we get to the playing and not the other things.  For example, in the last little bit while finding myself quite disappointed in my ability to get to activites with our little misss  ( I know, a former preschool teacher should be the most dedicated activity based mommy ever - but everyone has funks from time to time).  About a week ago I dedicated a long nap one day  ( hers obviously ) to pinterest pins and made it a goal to get to more of that than I had been, so now I've been distracted gathering odds and ends for treasure baskets and making toys out of found / recycleable materials and working on goals and skills to help her along developmentally.  And you know what?  It's all been worth it. 

In the last few weeks since waking up and realizing I've been a lame mom, she has been talking so much more, crusing the furniture more, pulling up to standing more and more and I don't think that's a coincidence.  In fact, after making it through a rough day of feeling overwhelmed ( with the help of my wonderful mom ) I was able to put it into perspective and stop beating myself up about the clutter, the dishes, the laundry and enjoy my child.  Isn't that what I am supposed to be doing anyway?  The month of July I was bound and determined to eat healthy, cut back on this and that and spent money on the good foods, the kind they always tell you to eat on all the tv shows about good health and I was miserable and neurotic.  I was so paranoid I would put something bad into my mouth I didn't hardly eat.  Gee, I wonder which is worse!  Finally, I realized it's okay to just do the best you can.  In fact, it's okay to not be perfect, or trying to be perfect ( which is more accurate).  It's okay to be behind, it's okay to eat ramen sometimes for lunch, or frozen micro meals if you are eating, it's okay if there are more than several baskets of unfolded laundry and it's definitely okay to know when you are overwhelmed and ask for help. 

Just the other day it was quiet, Elizabeth had just finished her lunch and was looking content in her high chair and I decided to not only tidy up the kitchen ( which desperately needed it) but pull a turkey breast out of the freezer that I had intended to cook in the crock-pot over a week ago.  As I was about my work, a song came into my mind ( definitely not a coincidence - but more like a message from my Heavenly Father) and it was just what I needed to know and hear and feel.  ( This is not the original version, but the best way for those who are unfamiliar with the song to hear it )  Please take a moment and really listen to the words.

So, to sum it all up I am behind.  I am so very far from perfect.  I constantly assume everyone has it all together and I am just a mess, but I just haven't been as understanding and gentle with myself as my Father in Heaven is, so I need to knock it off, focus on what and who are most important and be okay with who I am.  It's okay if my plate isn't perfectly portioned with ultra healthy food, and my laundry pile is less then tidy, or there are baby bottes on the counter, crumbs on the kitchen floor and a ring around the tub.  But what does matter is that I take every opportunity to remember that I am a child of God, I am loved by Him, just for being me,even if that means I am a litte bit or a lot behind.