"The Itch"

First of all, my apologies for not being such an attentive memory keeper for the last little while.  We have all been living our lives and making memories, I just have been neglecting to take note of them officially via the blogosphere.  I will have a catch-up post soon though, re-capping Christmas and some fun we had in the snow as a family, but for now I feel the need to write a little about me and my feelings lately... feel free to tune out if you are just here for the photos and fun family updates.

Do any of you get the itch, just after Valentines Day most years where you desperately need a change?  Yes?  Well if so, perhaps you understand what I am talking about but if not, let me explain.  I can only imagine it is the need for a new season after facing the gray dismal snow and ice covered world for too many months, or being stuck indoors for the majority of those months.  Or perhaps it is more deeply rooted in the fact that I moved quite a bit during my growing up years, and the average time between moves was about 2 to 2 1/2 years... although I can't put a definite finger on the issue, I know when I've got "The Itch" and it seems incurable.  I am drawn out into stores, trying to find just the right thing that soothes me or onto the online classifieds looking for a new place to live ( though I hate moving ) or trying to get my hubby to switch to a better position with work etc...  It is the only thing I can think about, I need change, I need change, I need change!  Let's move, let's upgrade our cars, let's switch jobs etc...  Some might call it cabin fever, some might call it Spring Fever but when it hits, it takes over my life!  I am driven to get the change I seek and soothe that persistent itch.

This year it has been particularly challenging however, the winter was long, the pay checks were small, and the luxuries were so few, while the bills were so high!  Oh my goodness, were they high!  Upon moving into an older house we knew there was going to be issues, mostly creaky uneven floors, lots of spiders, tall hard to reach light fixtures and high ceilings, but the energy bills have been so ridiculous.  It makes our small rent payment into something much more than we can afford once you add in the cost of utilities ( especially on ONE income).  The first idea that came to me was, time to move.  Get into something that maybe costs more per month rent wise but had lower utility expenses.  There were a few rentals in the neighborhood, smaller yard etc... but bigger upfront rent.  I would search the classifieds just waiting for one to pop up, so we could get out of this house.  One night I went to Kevin and tried, with my very best of persuasive cases to convince him ( I don't like to brag but I am good at making arguments when it comes to things like this ) that we should move.  That lead into a discussion about how some things were changing with his job that we were unhappy with and by the end of the conversation, we had decided there was nowhere else we could go, so I guess we should just stay where we are.  A few days later, I knew I had my answer when a song popped into my head ( funny song from my youth ) "things are not so bad, it's a nice a place, ah shaddupa ya' face"
A very silly song, but so full of wisdom too.  How often have we in our own lives gotten "The Itch" and quicker than quick we've changed what we felt needed changed and then wound up in worse situations, or regretted a decision?  Um, here let me raise my hand as a guilty party in jumping ship, while forgetting about the shark infested waters below and not just once or twice but many times.

God says in the bible, "Be still and know that I am God."  I have a really hard time with that.  Just sitting and waiting for Him to make life happen and open doors for me, but sometimes it is what we need to do.  In short, we aren't moving, or changing jobs, or anything major but I am trying to scratch that annoying itch by settling and trying to make ourselves comfortable, and more rooted.  This is something, very hard for me to do.  Once I decorate, and make myself at home we generally move and thus the fear.  We had just fixed up our small Idaho home, the way we wanted it to be, and we had to leave it behind.  I was ready to be in the decorating phase and settle in, when we were uprooted and I had to learn to adjust to new soil ( to put it garden-ly speaking ) and not only adjust but re-adjust several times.  I don't know how to hang things on the wall that I love and settle in, but I want to, until that annoying "Itch" comes back and I want to take my chances with change.  So, yes I am still a little "itchy" but now I am itching to find pretty things to hang on the walls, photos to put up that surround me with people that I love, furniture that goes ( and isn't an amalgamation of styles and patterns) colors that soothe my soul, and quotes that lift up and inspire me.  These are the things life is lacking in order to transform this chilly old house into a refuge from the world for our family, for at least a few more years until Kevin completes school and life moves into another direction or perhaps location for us.  Then hopefully, when that times comes I'll have learned something from making it through this time of uncertainty and weathering the high utility bills to have found a put together refuge from the world, a thriving garden in the backyard and satisfaction in our surroundings, until the time comes that God decides we need to be re-planted and moved into a sunnier patch in the garden and adjust to new soil once again.